8 Aug, 2011

Breakin' Up On Facebook?

 

Late last month, 200 teenagers from Boston-area schools gathered to discuss the minutia of Facebook breakup etiquette. Should you delete pictures of your ex after splitting up? Is it O.K. to unfriend your last girlfriend if you can’t stop looking at her profile? And is it ever ethically defensible to change your relationship status to single without first notifying the person whose heart you’re crushing?

These pressing adolescent questions were part of a one-day conference on “healthy breakups” sponsored by the Boston Public Health Commission. “No one talks to young people about this aspect of relationships,” Nicole Daley, one of the conference organizers, told me between breakout sessions as teenagers swarmed a nearby cotton-candy stand. “We’re here to change that.”

Minutes later, 15 high-school students on a sugar high convened for a session on “creating online boundaries.” The girls outnumbered the boys, and they didn’t hesitate to gang up on a charming — and, until then, immensely well liked — 17-year-old named Roberto, who proclaimed with a bit too much gusto that “racing to update your relationship status after a breakup” is a healthy behavior. That was just one of a handful of scenarios the teenagers debated and placed into “healthy” or “unhealthy” categories: others included “posting mean/embarrassing statuses about your ex” (unhealthy) and “rushing into a new ‘Facebook official’ relationship” (understandable, but still not healthy).

To help the youngsters envision what a healthy split might look like, pictures and videos of several celebrity couples who managed amicable breakups were projected onto a big screen. Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz, for example, were heralded as healthy because “they’re still friends and were able to co-star in a movie together.” Their parting was juxtaposed with those of Kanye West and Amber Rose (West wrote a mean song about her) and Sammi and Ronnie from “Jersey Shore” (Sammi supposedly defriended Ronnie’s friends on her Facebook page), who each exhibited the kind of “unhealthy” breakup behavior that the Boston Health Commission hopes Massachusetts young people will rise above.

photo & story courtesy of - The New York Times

Romans 12:18 (NIV)

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 

What does today's God Story teach us about "breakin' up"?

Social media is a funny thing right?  Thanks to Facebook, Twitter, and other social media sites, we are in some strange way connected to almost everyone we know with a simple click of a button.  Strange right?  All you have to do is click a button and a screen illuminates with pics, info, quotes, jokes, stories, all giving you a picture of someone's life.  Yet there is something even stranger about social media when it becomes more than just a tool to open up communication, but becomes the medium that we use to communicate life shaping decisions.

The apostle Paul reminds us to "live at peace" with those around us, especially our brothers and sisters in Christ.  So the question for today is, does starting, maintaining, or ending a relationship via social media endanger this value?  Just like the leaders of the conference in Boston encouraged the high school kids to  "rise above" impulsive relationships decisions via social media, Paul is also encouraging us to do the hard work of building loving relationships in every situation.  Even when things get tough, don't hide behind a screen, don't rush into or out of something, have a conversation not a "post", use the power of eye contact, tone of voice, body language, and listening to maintain peace.   

How can I connect God's Story to My Story?

 

  • Pray for the strength to bring peace into a relationship that is currently in turmoil.
  • Track your social media habits this week.  Do you use it to avoid relational work? 

 

 

How can I connect God's Story to Their Story?

 

  • Ask a friend what they think about breaking up through social media.
  • Talk with a Christian friend about how they "maintain peace" with people.

 

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